How to Make Your Trip to Sam's Club Last Longer Than Necessary

Sam's Club is open to everyone this weekend-- not just members. Given that I hadn't been there in about 15 years, I thought I'd go check it out. I went with a vague idea of what I'd buy, but I was open to getting other items if it was a good deal and something we generally use already. I probably would have been duped to buying more than I did had I not had a great understanding of how much things cost when not in bulk. The majority of what I consume was not a good deal there.

I must admit, the store was a little overwhelming and exciting. I don't know why seeing oversized condiments made me want to buy them (I resisted.). At first I felt like it was almost a race. Clearly, if I didn't get to each aisle faster than the other people in the store, everything would be gone! The adrenaline settled after I got to the packaged junk food aisle, which is when I started to get a little disgusted by the idea of people buying pounds of crap for their homes. I can absolutely see how people who have a different perspective on food, larger refrigerators, and bigger families can get carried away with buying stuff there. I don't think I'll ever need to get to that point unless I'm stocking a vending machine or catering a very large party.

So, you may wonder, 'How can I stretch out my Sam's Club experience as long as possible?' Just follow these simple tips:

1. Arrive to Sam's 30 minutes before they open. That way, you have too much time to sit around and wait yet too little time to go home. It will feel like your time there was 30 minutes longer, even though you didn't step foot in the building yet.
2. Wait in line at the front desk like the old lady at the door tells you to do so that you can get a guest card for the day. Then have the desk clerk tell you those passes aren't necessary this weekend.
3. Walk up and down every aisle of the store, pausing at potential purchases to divide the cost by pound, box, or standard serving size to verify whether they really are a deal.
4. Choose a check out lane with only one person in it, but--this is key--be sure that person is buying over $1000 worth of food and needs it sorted a special way. Bonus: the cashier tells you it's the largest purchase he's ever checked out.
5. Let someone who is just buying 2 items skip ahead in line, even if you just have about 10 items.
6. Take the shorter distance home as long as construction makes it one lane and an oversized farm tractor is leading the way. This will add at least 10 minutes to your total shopping trip.

If you follow those simple steps, you're guaranteed to spend at least twice as long grocery shopping. In all seriousness, it really wasn't bad. People were friendly, the store wasn't crowded since it just opened, and LE didn't fuss one bit.  Can't ask for much more than that.